LOCAL RUMOURS FUEL ELDERLY UNREST

Kurume's City Hall was the scene for a pensioners' protest on Monday, after it was revealed in a local paper that there are plans to cut back on the already dwindling numbers of hat shops in the area. The Kurume Ponderer's lead article claimed that "a further 2 hat shops will be closed over the course of the next two years, which will bring the total number of shops down to a worryingly low 417."

It is reported that close to 10 pensioners, 4 men and 5 women, descended on City Hall to complain about what they termed "the death of civilisation as we know it". All protesters were wearing unmarked baseball caps and low-pulled hats respectively. Eye witnesses report that the protest was entirely peaceful, although there was a 2 hour delay to enable the elderly activists to make some miso soup on site.

A spokesman for City Hall is expected to make a statement tomorrow afternoon, which will be shown on every television channel in the area. Until then, the city will remain on the edge of its seat.