JAPAN'S SELF DEFENSE FORCE FARCE

The Nagasaki arm of Japan's National Self Defense Force has suffered a humiliating defeat against US soldiers from Sasebo, in what was supposed to be a friendly tactical exercise to showcase the former's progress as a military force. In a manner more akin to Police Academy than Bravo Two Zero, the Self Defensers managed to squander a 4 to 1 man advantage in a farcical mock siege that was over almost before it started and was broadcast live across Japan.

That the exercise lasted only 6 minutes is even more remarkable when you consider that the Self Defensers - poised to breach the American stronghold - all paused for 4 minutes to remove their boots and shout "Ojamashimasu!" as they entered the premises. Once inside, the 20 man strong Japanese contingent came face to face with a venerable Japanese elder in a grey kimono (actually one of the 5 marines in disguise), who reportedly told them to hand over their weapons and go into the next room, which the bowing, humbled Japanese soldiers quickly did. It was then simply a case of the costumed American locking the door and walking outside with his four companions and arm fulls of fully loaded Japanese guns, the victors of perhaps the fastest and easiest military exercise in the history of modern warfare.

Faced by the nation's media immediately after the exercise, a high-ranking and rather red-faced representative of the National Self Defense Force promised that he would do his best in the future and said that the 20 gullible men in the 6x8 room would remain there overnight as punishment.