PENSIONERS HOSPITALISED

More than 2500 pensioners in Kyushu have been hospitalised for heatstroke-like symptoms during the last two months, according to a survey carried out by the Japanese Association of Medicine. Whilst there are usually a few isolated cases every time there is an unusually warm winter, this is a stark increase and surely poses serious questions that the authorities will need to address.

Reasons for the high numbers are varied and different factions seem to have different theories. The Japanese Association of Medicine, for example, cite the rise of new strains of bacteria, thought to have been brought to Japan by foreigners. In a similar vein, a spokesman for the Japanese Commercial Sector suggested that it was due to an increase in the numbers of foreigners, whilst the Japanese Environment Agency implied that pollution from China was wreaking havoc with Japan's air.

Kurume-based English teacher, Ken Misterken, has an alternative explanation, however. "It's simple. The old biddies are incapable of equating February with anything but cold weather, so they stubbonly wear their hats, coats and gloves despite the temperature being 30 degrees. Nothing to do with foreigners or Chinese air, just pigheadedness on the part of the obatallions."

More on this story when it happens.